Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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