so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
