I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize