We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
