walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize