rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
