eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There r osticjed everywhere
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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