My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
