what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
