I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
