Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
