I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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