their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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