sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
