i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize