I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Randomize
