He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
