You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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