they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
