Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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