You work out of a Hotel?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
