The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize