But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
