Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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