she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize