Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
