You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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