Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
