I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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