is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
