He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize