Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
