So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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