Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
