It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
