I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
