I can tuck mytits in my pants
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
