She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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