Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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