So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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