she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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