I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
