After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
