I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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