So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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