I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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