Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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