it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
