Porn is love you can see.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize