I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
