Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
