I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
