I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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