So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't deserve a penis
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
