I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize