you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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