I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
