Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
