oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
