i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
