I wish I could punch you in the face.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
