No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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