FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
