I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
