Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
