it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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