Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
