We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Im part way to drunk.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
