i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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