i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
