1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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