I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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