I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
