Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
