first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
