Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
