I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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