and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
