it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Every concussion has its silver lining
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
