i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
