She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
