The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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