At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
