Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The Olympian is in my bed
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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