I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
