Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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