Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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