worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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