I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
