Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
