Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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