Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
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