If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He passed out mid-signature
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
